Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
