After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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