I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
