I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
