We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
