I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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