I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
