i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
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