I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
What a dumb baby whore.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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