Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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