im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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