I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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