THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
