I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
