He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
