I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
