Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
