where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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