i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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