im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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