bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
