Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
