i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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