so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
