but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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