He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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