I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
