The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
