she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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