You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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