Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
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