I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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