Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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