3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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