Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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