Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
