People in love make me want to vomit
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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