quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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