sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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