hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I wish I only lived at night.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
