as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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