I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
