How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
