So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
