belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
