We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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