Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
