I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
