can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
