Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
