i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
