Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
