kristin has been a bad kristin
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
