Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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