you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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