Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
